Thank You To The Old Guard.

I sent a signal to my body this morning that it’s time to get up, with an elongated stretch and an audible grown. I then mustered enough strength to roll my decaying body out of bed, walked to the kitchen to grab a couple of eggs and a bagel from the fridge. My eyes averted the untouched honey crisp apples that have been there since I bought them Monday.

“Ah those apples will be good later…”

I said while knowing all good and well they will be feeding the bunnies in the backyard by weeks end. Instead of reaching for a delicious out of season honeycrisp apple, my brain told my hands that it was a much better idea to reach for a Diet Dr Pepper, I crack it open, take a sip and say,

“Ahh, the nectar of the gods. Just as good as an apple if not better.”

I began cracking my eggs into a hot tub of avocado oil butter… because you know, “healthy” and turned on a few golf highlights from yesterday’ Masters action. While my eggs were enjoying a nice morning soak I stumbled across a video of Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson and Gary Player answering questions from reporters, while talking about the state of golf and other worldly golf topics.

Then a question was asked by a reporter directed at Gary Player,

“When was the last time you had fast food?”

Gary had a sly grin come across his face while having the best response,

“You don’t reach 90 like I do if you eat a bunch of crap, I can tell you that. But that’s your choice. Everyone has a choice, I want to leave to a 100 because I love people, I love golf, and I love life.”

Once I heard that, I couldn’t have poured my Diet Dr. Pepper down my clogged drain faster. I then grabbed a cloudy glass from the cabinet flour, poured some water from the tap into it, picked up one of those untouched apples from the fridge, topped my bagel sandwich with some spinach and said,

“Alright Gary, you win… Diet starts today…”

But how cool is that? I man who is staring down the barrel at 90 is still enjoying a great life, with a new girlfriend while kicking golf balls down the fairway at Augusta and his not the only old man out here still doing it. Tom Watson, at the age of 75 looks like his swing hasn’t changed in 50 years and Jack Nicklaus, well… let’s just say he surely impressed his wife Barbra an awful lot when he teed it up and sent a ball careening down the 1st fairway at the Honorary Starters Ceremony on Thursday morning.

The Honorary Starters Ceremony isn’t the only place where the old guard was making a name for itself. Freddy Couples at the ripe age of 65 got his first round started by chipping in from the left side of the green on 1 for a birdie. Then followed it up with a magnificent shot on 14 where he made an eagle from 191 yards away with a trusty 7-wood that he kissed right after the yellow Bridgestone ball find its way to the bottom of the cup. All this magic was concluded by navigating his way to a -1-par round of 71 during the first round of The Masters. Beating out the likes of Jordan Spieth, Justin Thomas, Collin Morikawa and tournament darling Rory McIlroy just to name a few.

So, in conclusion I just wanted to take some time to thank the older generation who paved the way for this great game to grow for a wonderful day on Thursday. Thank you Gary, for teaching me if I just take care of myself, I can live a great life well into my 80’s and even 90’s even though that means pouring the Dr. Pepper down the drain. Thanks Tom, for teaching me that my age may change but my swing can stay the same. Thanks Jack, for teaching me that after 45 years of marriage you can still impress your significant other. Thanks Freddy, for teaching me that no matter what your age is you can still compete with these young guys who hit the ball a mile with a little course knowledge and some magic from a 7-wood. Most importantly thanks dad for introducing me to a game that I can enjoy playing and talking about with you for a lifetime.

Thanks For Reading and Enjoy The Weekend At The Masters.  

Gambling On The Masters.

Can you feel it? That tingle in your stomach, that warmth in the air. Can you hear it? The silky smooth sounds of Ray Charles “Georgia On My Mind” ringing through the towering pines at Augusta. “Georgia, Georgia, The Whole Day Through.” Can You see it?

“No Brett! I’m Blind…”

“Sorry Ray... that’s on me…”

Let’s try this again… Can you see it? The brown dormant grass gradually turning into luscious green fairways, vibrant pink azaleas in bloom, the best players in the world choking on Rays long snaking creek (I said creek). Ahh it’s Masters week.

I can’t believe a year has passed since Scottie Scheffler’s happy feet won him his second green jacket in three years. A lot has changed in a year since we last saw Augusta. Thanks to Hurricane Helena a few trees have been removed while a trio of greens had to be replaced. My waistline has become a little girthier. A couple of my friends had children. Rory McIlroy lost the U.S. Open in heartbreaking fashion but gained redemption at The Players and most importantly Call of Duty brought back Verdansk. But one thing hasn’t changed and that’s the fact that I still don’t know how the hell you bet on golf…

About this time Wednesday during Masters week, I usually load up the Volkswagen with degenerate gamblers and head south to the land of corn fields to place a few bets on The Masters. But I haven’t felt the urge this year. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing when it comes to betting on golf. When I get to the kiosk at Diamond Jo’s chain-smoking riddled barn on the border of Minnesota and Iowa, I pull a $50 bill out of my lint filled pocket and slide it in the slot just to have it be rejected by the kiosk. It's a stern reminder of every time I try this pick-up line at a bar,

“You know how much polar bear weighs?”

“Umm No?”

“Enough to break the ice… Hi I’m Brett.”

“Get away from me…”

After the first rejection from the kiosk, I begin to whisper to myself,

“Maybe that’s a sign to turn around and go home.”

But I don’t listen. I never listen to that voice in my head. I take that $50 bill, rub it against my thigh to get all the creases out and try to insert into the same unwelcoming slot. After 5 maybe 6 tries the kiosk finally gobbles up my money and that’s when I begin to just stare aimlessly at a never-ending list of names that I know nothing about until I end up saying,

“F it! It’s his year… I’m just going throw $20 on Rory to win.”

Spoiler alert I have never won any money…

After I inevitably waste that $20 on Rory, it usually leaves me with $30 to play with. That’s when I scroll to the bottom of the list to find Freddy Couples smooth swinging behind and toss a 5’er on him to win The Masters. His odds are usually in the +200000, which means there is some value there. Once I bet Freddy to win, I peak on over at his top 20 odds and see +4500, get excited and throw another 5’er on that while thinking,

“Ahh its Freddy his got one last one in him…”

After I put $5 to $10 of hope on Freddy I’m left with $20, and this is when I start to get really confused…

I begin looking for different bets like,

Will There Be an Albatross?

“Probably not… but Bryson can hit the ball pretty darn far, he might be able to do it… F it, I’m in for a 5’er…”

Group Combined Hole Score - Hole 1 – Round 1.

“Oh, this seems too easy… First round jitters will cause everyone to be over par. F it, I’m in for a 5’er.”

Leader After Round One.

“That Aberg guy is pretty darn good, and he is Swedish, he could easily be in the lead after round 1. F it, I’m in for a 5’er.”

Will The Winner Be From The USA?

“Ahh Yeah… USA, USA, USA… Crap… I just realized if someone from the USA wins that means Rory loses causing me to lose that bet… Boy, math is hard. F it, I’m in for a 5’er…”

It’s bets like those that get me in trouble, I just say, F it, I’m in for a 5’er and before I know it, I’m out of money and don’t have a clue what I actually bet on. But I’ve come to realize after losing all my money over the years while betting on The Masters that The Masters isn’t really about gambling. It’s about a tradition unlike any other. Watching Rory McIlroy lose another green jacket. I’m just kidding Rory, I didn’t mean that... If you can believe it, I'm actually pulling for you this weekend…

The Masters is about a golf course that is as beautiful as it is hard. It’s about a player’s mental strength to get through 4-rounds of amen corner unscathed. It’s about watching the best players in the world crumble over a 3-foot putt like we do at our local municipal course with an ice-cold Coors Light on the line. It’s about texting your friends “are you watching this” when Tiger is about to complete the greatest comeback in sports history by winning in 2019. But most importantly It’s about spending time with your dad while listening to him reminisce about the time he was there and hearing him say,

“Brett, I don’t know if things have changed since 1992 but tv just doesn’t give the course justice for how hilly and beautiful it is.”

Those stories never get old and neither does springtime down in Augusta Georgia.

Thanks For Reading and Enjoy The Masters.

Oh, Vikings Fans This Is Fun… Isn’t It?

Well Minnesota Vikings fans we meet again, I wish it was under better circumstances. I truly wish I could sit here and talk about you winning the long-awaited Super Bowl Championship on the back of Sam Darnold that you’ve been chasing since 1960. But that’s not the case… I’m going to dance around that soar subject quicker than Fran Tarkenton danced around defensive lineman in the 60’s. But ever since the days of happy feet Fran Tarkenton, the Vikings have been in search of a franchise quarterback. Don’t get me wrong, there were stints of quarterbacks that were franchise worthy. Including Daunte Culpepper, Randall Cunningham, Teddy Bridgewater, Sam Bradford, Kirk Cousins and who can forget the franchise saving legend from Florida State, Christian Ponder. But they all seem to have the same common denominator, look promising for a couple of years and then fizzle out by year 3. Holy bleep I almost forgot about the year of Donovan McNabb. That was a rough one to watch…

There was one outlier in the Vikings franchise quarterback search and that came in the form of a gray haired (in multiple areas) gunslinger from your next-door neighboring rival Green Bay Packers. Back in 2009 Brett Favre, after a small cup of coffee mixed with a few unsolicited pictures with Jets and some strange overhead shots of Favre getting out of a private plane on a lonely tarmac in Minneapolis, decided to make Minnesota his home in chase of a ring and let’s be honest a little NFC North revenge tour. By the way I miss the days of grainy overhead shots from traffic helicopters of players flying into cities to have meetings with teams. Ahh what a time that was. I remember when it was announced that Brett Favre was joining the Vikings. It seemed to drive everyone crazy from Vikings fans not wanting the Packers moldy under the table cheese scraps to Packers fan being angry and bitter that their beloved McSwiggin’s Bartender would choose the team from across the Stillwater lift bridge. It was great there hasn’t been that much hatred been Wisconsin and Minnesota since 1949 when Louie Spray caught the word record Musky on Wisconsin’s Chippewa Flowage.

But in the end, it seemed to work out in everyone’s favor. The Vikings had a majestic run through the playoffs till it was ultimately spoiled by a couple of head-hunting linebackers and a cross-body throw from Favre that was intercepted by Joey Porter in the NFC Championship which led to a Saints victory in overtime to send them to the Superbowl. Where they would end up beating the Colts to lift the Lombardi trophy for the first time. While Packers’ fans got what they wanted, the Vikings losing in heart breaking fashion and a new franchise quarterback in Aaron Rodgers who a year later won a Superbowl for Green Bay.

“Hey Brett?”

“Yeah…”

“Ummm quick question. Why the hell are you making me suffer through these awful memories again! I just got over the 2009 NFC Championship last year.”

“Well, A. You need to sort some real issues out if you just got over the 2009 NFC Championship last year and B. there’s a point to this, it may not be a good one but there is one…”

This brings me to my point that I was trying to make before I was rudely interrupted by… I guess myself… Anyways, the Vikings announced today that they are moving forward with J.J. McCarthy at quarterback, which is fine, give the privilege kid from the University of Michigan all-stars a chance to see what he has got, you drafted him for a reason and after last year’s magic with Sam Darnold there is no denying that Kevin O’Connell can flat out coach quarterbacks. But Vikings fans have been down this path before with Christian Ponder and Teddy Bridgewater and it didn’t go well. I think even the biggest Ponder fanboys can admit that.

All I’m saying is the only thing that has worked at quarterback for you in the past 15 plus years was the washed-up door county scarps of a Green Bay legend and now you have a chance to repeat the past with Aaron Rodgers but you’re not going to do so because of some 145-pound, check down master from Michigan. I say why not sign Rodgers for a couple years! But Brett McCarthy had one great throw in the preseason vs the Raiders 8th string cornerback. Give me a break… Yes, does Aaron Rodgers come with some baggage sure, but we all do. If you have a chance to grab a chaotic, arrogant, ayahuasca smoking NFL Legend who wants a revenge tour in his old division against his old team who kicked him aside, with an offense that is built to win now, you do it! It’s not like you have to trade McCarthy. He is on a cheap rookie deal and gets to sit behind a guy who has done it in this league for years.

Now I don’t speak for Vikings fans and I’m sure the majority of them don’t want the headache of Rodgers, this is just an outside perspective. If I had a super star wideout combined with a newly built offensive and defensive line mixed with a young 2nd year quarterback coming off a nasty injury which we know nothing about how good he is. I’d call Aaron Rodgers and see if he wants to sign a 2-year deal to go ring chasing one last time. I’m in the minority and I know that, but I love chaos and good stories so by bringing Rodgers back to the Midwest for one last go of it would be headlines for a “Fran”chises lifetime…

Aarongant Quarterback Signs With Vikings.

Aaron Follows In Favre's Footsteps.

Minnesotans Love Culvers and Leftovers From Wisconsin.

Minnesotans Don’t Just Use Wisconsin For Their Lakes They Also Use Them For Their Washed Up Quarterbacks… (That ones a little wordy but you get the gist of it…)

Thanks For Reading and Enjoy Another Lack Luster Season Vikings Fans…