I never like to springboard off my poorly sculpted combover into my brain to revisit thoughts I’ve had because that’s a scary place in there that no one should be dolphin kicking inside. My brain is full of thoughts that should be locked away in a casino vault for only Danny Ocean and Rusty Ryan to find. Well let me be honest, it wouldn’t be the first time Danny Ocean in a white Armani suit has unexpectedly wonder through my hippocampus if you know what I mean, but that’s a non football related thought… Anyways it’s the halfway point of the NFL season and I thought it would be a good idea to open up my cranium and take a peek at a few predictions I had before the season started and see how well they have aged…
“Spoiler Alert, not well Brett not well at all.”
Every year in early August my buddy and I make a way to early division and Super Bowl champion list, that always seems to lead to some pretty great conversations at the end of year about how far we were off.
“You I had the Browns winning the AFC North?”
“Yeah, I thought Deshone Kizer was going to be the truth.”
“They went 0-16…”
“Ok… So, I might have been a little off with that one.”
I’m not one of these people who hope a bad prediction that I make gets washed down the shower drain to never be seen again; I like to lay in a bath of my own filthy awful takes to see how they age. So, without further ado, let me just pull up that Google spreadsheet full of our predictions really quick and see what we got going on.
“Clickity-Clack, meow, tac-tac, woof, click, cluck, clack.”
(Can you tell I have no clue how to write out the sound a keyboard makes.)
(Teams highlighted in green are playoff teams, teams highlighted in red are worst teams in the league.)
Ahhh found it. It was buried in folder marked “Best Whiskey Glazed Salmon.” Why the hell was it in there? But that does remind me I should really make that sometime soon; it has this wonderful whiskey infused gla... Timeout! Salmon is going to have to wait… am I reading this right? Did I really have the Jacksonville Jaguars winning the AFC South with The Tennessee Titans finishing second? Minnesota doesn’t have strong enough drugs for me to be delusional enough to think the Jaguars would win the AFC South while the Texans are in there. What was I thinking? I must have thought the Texans defense and C.J. Stroud would have a sophomore slump together (which I was kind of right about) and that all the Jags intriguing offseason moves like adding, DT Arik Armstead, WR Gabe Davis, S Darnell Savage, rookie WR Brain Thomas Jr. and a couple beefers on the offensive line would have led to more victories. But it just hasn’t. Now I don’t want to put all the blame for Jaguars awful start to the season on that “US Equestrian” cover model Trevor Lawrence. But he has been awful to say the least. So much so the Jags can’t feel good about signing him to a 275 million Dollar contract.
Let’s adventure on over to the AFC East where I thought with Josh Allen losing most of his weapons on the offensive side of the ball, it would have led to the Bills stampeding off Niagara Falls to the bottom of the AFC East. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Josh has been MVP good this year by spreading the ball around more than a 4-6-3 triple play. All his young receivers and tight ends have been getting an equal number of targets and catches. With Stefon Diggs gone he has been more efficient than ever with his arm and his legs. He has been such an elite passer this year that he has an average passer rating of 105.8 and just threw his first interception in week 8. It’s safe to say this is the best form of Josh Allen I think the world has ever seen. But and this is a Finding Nemo sized butt, is this new construction of the Bills good enough to get past the Chiefs in the AFC? I don’t think so, even with them acquiring Amari Cooper from The Browns, I still don’t think this team is good enough.
Let’s continue our adventure through my early season predictions by heading south down the Niagara River to the AFC North, where I don’t think I have a darn thing right besides the fact The Browns stink but I thought The Steelers were going to be the worst team in that division. Here’s what I think I know, The Ravens are good, but the Steelers have a better record. The Bengals are the most confusing team in the history of the NFL, but The Steelers have a better record. The Ravens and The Bengals both have had flashes of being the best team in the NFL, but The Steelers have a better record. Joe Burrow and Lamar Jackson have put together MVP like seasons, but The Steelers have a better record. I watch a lot of football on Sundays, more than I care to admit, and I don’t have a damn clue who is going to win the AFC North. But I hope it's not The Steelers because that team is borderline unwatchable and we all know what’s going to happen if they make the playoffs, they will be packing their bags headed for nice 6-month vacation on the shores of Cabo after Super Wild Card Weekend even though they have a better record.
How about we get out of the AFC side of my brain and head on over to the NFC side where things aren’t as bad, but still pretty awful. The NFC West and NFC South are too close to call at this point. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I’ve been kind of spot on with those two by picking the Atlanta Falcons to win the NFC South and The 49ers to win the highly contested NFC West. The NFC West is anyone’s game though. While the 49ers and Rams have just been riddled with injuries to key players, my long shot MVP pick Kyler Murray has been elite to start this year by carrying the Cardinals to a surprising record of 5-4 which perches them atop the NFC West. Even with the 49ers and Rams getting healthy at the right time It’s still anyone’s race but with the 49ers getting Christian McCaffrey back from Germany if not this week but next, I expect them to eventually wrap up this division by Christmas. But watch out for those pesky Cardinals cough, cough.
I may have been right about one side of the NFC, but you can’t say the same about the NFC East and NFC North. Something that shouldn’t have surprised me is how well the Washington Commanders have been behind their future rookie of the year quarterback Jaden Daniels, who has been out here completing hail-mary touchdown passes against unsuspecting bears, all while having bruised ribs. This kid is fearless and poised enough to take Washington to new heights especially since that Commanders made a splashy new addition at the trade deadline by acquiring CB Marshon Lattimore from the Saints. With Commanders in first place of the NFC East let’s look to second place where we find the Philadelphia Eagles who I really thought were going to be worse and Nick Sirianni would be fired by now. But with Saquon Barkley hurdling backwards over the whole entire league on his way to a future offensive player of the year award, The Eagles find themselves right back in the playoff hunt for another year while saving the coach nobody likes job. What’s even more surprising than the Eagles being good this year, is how bad the Cowboys are. Even Dak is on the sideline near the end of the game vs Atlanta saying, “we f****** suck.” Yes, Dak you guys do suck. But hey you don’t suck as much as The Giants, so you can take a little solace in knowing that…
At the halfway point of the 2024 NFL season it’s safe to say we know nothing. By we I mean me… But that’s a common occurrence year after year. On average 6 teams that make the playoffs the year before miss it the next year. It’s a shocking stat but it's not surprising given the NFL’s plague of injuries, scheduling, draft system, salary cap and just general unpredictability of the sport. But that’s what makes the NFL so great. Every year you think your team has a chance. Take the Vikings for example, they were supposed to be bottom of the barrel in the NFC North and they are still in the hunt to be tops in the NFC and on the other side of the spectrum Jets were supposed to be tops in the AFC East and they are staring down a top 10 pick. I’m sure the Jets fans will be completely understanding if they have another top 10 pick this year.
As I bring this to a close and we crawl our way out of my cranium to never be same again after watching Danny Ocean strut back and forth down my corpus callosum for hours on end wearing nothing but a white suit jacket with an exposed... Woah, woah, woah, I’m sorry I just got extremely distracted for some reason. But It got me thinking what do we actually know about the unpredictable NFL? I think we can make a safe assumption that The Patriots and Panthers are bad, The Lions are good and The Chiefs will make the playoffs. Now I know that’s going out on a limb given the way The Chiefs have played over the first half of the season but I kind of have this strange feeling…
Thanks For Reading and Enjoy The Second Half Of The Season.
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